Team Player

If a new parent asked me for advice (which they never do), I would tell them that one of the most important lessons I've learned is to follow your child's lead. Not on things like whether or not you let them have cookies for supper, but on the extra-curricular activities our busy society seems bent on encouraging. When Hillary was little, I wanted to be just like every other middle class, trendy, smart, perfect mom. I watched them cart their kids to dance, gymnastics, music lessons, bible quiz, art classes...you get the picture. So when Hillary was about 3, I enrolled her in ballet and tap. She was so excited at first. She loved her new tutu and fancy shoes, and I loved being a mom of a beautiful little dancer. But after a few weeks of leaving daycare and rushing to class, where she had to practice standing straight and learning specific steps, she was tired of it. Oh, she loved to dance, but she was more of a free-styler. (And we have the home videos to prove it!) She started saying she didn't want to go to class, and being sad and grumpy when we had to go. I was undaunted. We were not quitters. We had started this, I had already paid for her recital costume...the group was counting on her to do her part in the performance. We pressed on. The recital (which she did actually enjoy) came and went and I smiled my proud smile and took lots of pictures of my little star on stage. And then...I let her quit. Why make a young child do something they hate? Don't we have our whole lives to do that? We tried several other things throughout the years (T-ball - "I'm not much of an outside girl" was her comment, gymnastics - neither she nor I were competetive enough, and piano - which she loved and still plays today - and incidentally was her own idea.)
By the time Parker came along (four years behind her) I had learned the lesson. I listened to what he talked about, and asked him what he wanted to do before enrolling him in things I wanted him to like. He played T-ball and loved it. He continued to love playing baseball and I thought, "OK, this is his thing." Not so fast. That's the other lesson I would share - Just because they love something now doesn't mean they'll love it for life. This summer (7 seasons later), tired of the drama of bad-mouthed teammates and their overly competetive parents, he decided he didn't want to play anymore. He's going to focus on basketball.
None of this means that things are always "hunky dory". Sometimes he complains about practice, his coach, his trash-talking teammates...and we ask him why he plays - even when he's frustrated he says "Because I like to play." And he straightens his back and does his best and hustles his heart out. Last weekend, he played in a tournament. He jumped and juked - grabbing rebounds and making important passes. His face was determined. His tennis shoes squeaked as he moved his feet. And when it was over - a victory!- coach told the whole team Parker was the "Player of the Game." He glowed. And so did I.