A Little Sunshine...A Little Rain

It's a holiday.  And I am all alone.
Parker was off being pampered at his grandparents' house.  My husband went to visit.  And though Hillary and I thought we had a date with a friend of her's who had moved away...it was not to be.  So Hillary went to see her boyfriend.
And left me all alone.
Crazy woman tried to whisper in my ear...but there was NO feeling sorry for myself today.  I had chosen this solitude. I could have joined any one of my family members and they would have been happy to have me.  But I didn't and now I had a day all to myself.  I would make it a gift.
So I watched a sappy, happy movie and cried whenever I felt like it.
And I ate leftover chicken chili.
And it was only 2:00.
I decided to fill my forlorn flower pots.  And while I can easily justify spending money on coffee, pottery barn picture frames, or a new dress...I can't bear the thought of using bill paying money on flowers!  Undaunted I took my half-full change jar to the nearest Coinstar machine.  As the coins dinged into place and the total tipped up and up, I almost laughed out loud.  This was fun!
I took my new cash and walked up and down the aisles of the home improvement store willy nilly grabbing the colors that jumped out at me...not caring if the little tag said "full sun" or "shade"...and not letting my left brain convince me that the blooms should be carefully coordinated to make an artful container garden.
And I still had $13 left!
I picked up a mocha...
and headed straight for the bookstore.
Finally back home, I divided the flowers into various pots, getting my hands dirty and using a kitchen spoon as a spade.
And just then thunder rumbled in the distance and a cool breeze began to blow.
I put things away, then gathered up my stationary and the cd of favorite songs Hillary had made me off itunes, and headed to the porch swing to enjoy the rain on the tin roof.  I wrote to my beautiful friends on pretty paper with heartfelt handwriting.
And the rain fell gently.
And suddenly...I was not alone!
God surrounded me in the music and the rain and the thoughts of friends.
I was Happy!
And I had to grab my camera to preserve this moment.

Because life is about Sunshine.  And life is about Rain.  And sometimes, Both.

And Pretty Weeds All in a Row...

My home is very important to me.

Well, ok...the inside anyway. 

I have never been that woman who loves to mow the lawn or set out yard ornaments.  I pretty much leave anything outside the front door to my husband, whose main goal is thick green grass and no sticks lying around.  He's not a huge Flower guy.

So this is what my flower beds look like right now...

Don't you just love how the Lamb's Ear has grown up around the artfully placed football?

And this is our Jack and the Beanstalk plant, which I am afraid to cut down because you never know when the Golden Goose will lay an egg which will roll right down to our front door!  

Besides, my mother (who is a Gardener and must wonder often how she brought home the wrong child from the hospital) has informed me that you can actually eat the leaves of this plant.  So I am really protecting my family from famine by letting it stay right where it is. 

And these are my Dandelions (which actually happen to be my favorite flower).  Notice how they are growing  all in a row...just as if someone planted them to border my sidewalk.

Yes, I am the kind of girl who forgets to keep her mums cut back and lets the blooms shoot up tall and weedy from her hostas.  

And leaves muddy boots outside the front door.  

I admit, I'd much rather sit on one of my 4 swings than plant flowers around them.

But I've been a little busy lately.  

Teaching 23 first graders how to read...and graduating both my children in varying degrees...and making my Man feel loved and supported.

I'll eventually get to the flower beds.

But until then when asked how my garden grows...

I'll just say "With rubber boots and tall green shoots and pretty weeds all in a row..."

A Big Day

The Big Day was finally here.  Tests had been passed...senior pranks pulled...tearful farewells exchanged in the halls.  Announcements were sent...cards of congratulations stuffed our mailbox...and family arrived from out of town.  And now it was time to celebrate.

I sat in the stuffy gym, waiting for Pomp and Circumstance, and wondered if I would cry.

So far so good.

We had spent the day getting our toes painted and searching for silly string.  And for a moment or two it had been like old times...our little girl in the back seat chattering away about anything and everything...Daddy firmly at the wheel...Mom riding shotgun and listening with a smile.  

The band started to play.  And instead of feeling sad or nostalgic, I felt joy flutter in my ribs. And I got my camera ready...  

She marched in with a smile and took her place with her classmates.  

And every time I raised my camera to my eye, as though she had a sixth sense, she turned and gave me a big Cheeser!  No tears for her, only barely contained excitement!

She nearly ran onto the stage ...

and into the arms of her Daddy (the guest speaker of the evening)... 

 before gliding on to receive her diploma.

We made it through the speeches and songs and the slideshow of baby pictures and then Hillary gave the ending prayer.  Instead of closing my eyes, I had to snap one more picture...

And then...

and

How could I cry when there was so much joy in this night?  Bursting with pride? Yes.  Smiling so big my cheeks hurt?  Absolutely.  Laughing at the antics of these beautiful young people?  For sure.

But crying?

Not for a moment! 

Because I know who she is under that cap and gown...a girl with personality who will glitter even as she stands in the line of life along with Cowboy Boots and Sensible Shoes.  

A girl who is smart and strong and creative and fun.

A girl who is not leaving a hole in my life, but expanding the reach of my vicarious experience beyond what I could ever have done without her.  

So we CELEBRATE this day.  And while it is a big one, it is not THE big one.  Because there will be so many more to come.  

"We won't say our goodbyes you know it's better that way
We won't break, we won't die
It's just a moment of change"

~OneRepublic

Boys in Black

Ok...so getting teenage BOYS ready for prom is a whole different experience than getting GIRLS ready.

Same beginning, different prom...

Parker and his friend Josh were using our house as Ground Zero for 8th grade prom preparation.  Because Josh's family now lives in a different town, he was actually staying the whole weekend with us.  The boys hung their finery on Parker's bedroom door and then promptly put it out of their mind while they spent most of the weekend tromping around in our back woods.  When it was time to get ready (a whole hour before Go Time), they took 5 min showers, threw on their clothes, and Voila.

Dad couldn't be here, so he carefully tied Parker's new tie and left it hanging on the chair.  Parker promptly proclaimed it too long, untied it, and commenced to re-doing it himself.  

I was shocked. 

I had no idea he had this skill.

He informed me his sister had taught him how.

 

It took him a few tries but he eventually got it just right.  And after all that...there was still time for THIS...

They humored the picture-taking Mama...and we were off!

And among the multi-colored beauties this Mama couldn't take her eyes off her boys in black!

Love in 40 words or less...

This is a text message Hillary sent me for no reason...

"Mom, i love you. You always listen to me and youre always on my side. I know sometimes you dont believe it, but you're a fantastic mom and im so glad God chose you to be mine. I love you :)"

ditto.

Conversation

This is an actual conversation I just had with my son...(after my neighbor told me she saw the boys climbing in and out of his bedroom window earlier today)

Me - "Did you take the screen off your window?"

Him - "Yeah"

Me - "Today? And why?"

Him - "No, it's been off for a while"

Me - "Don't climb in and out of the window..."

Him - "We weren't climbing in and out. We were straddling the windowsill so we could shoot our slingshot out the window."

OOOHHH! Well, never mind then. Because that makes PERFECT sense! NOT.

Again, I doubt if this activity ever once occurred to my daughter in all her 18 years.

She's a Doll!

We are having a graduation party at church tomorrow. Several of us mothers decided to go together on this since our kids would be inviting all the same people anyway.

So today, I began gathering Hillary Memorabilia for her display.

How do you fit 18 years on a 6 ft table?

There was the obligatory baby picture...the scrapbook (which only covered 7th, 8th, and one page of 9th grade)...the feathered mask from prom...drum major gloves...her ball head football helmet...and a gold cup from piano competitions.

A camera to represent her photography...a copy of Wicked to represent her love of the play...and her pin collection from her trip to Washington DC.

Now where will I put the saxophone and the newspaper clippings of track meets and various school plays? And the music that she wrote. And the black and gold blanket with her name embroidered on it that Coach (Dad) gave her for managing his basketball team?

And we have to show Teddy. Limp and threadbare...his milky button eyes saw it all. Even if the last few months of it were from the top shelf of Hillary's closet.

So many memories and so much life!

But even if I had 10 tables, I could never capture who she really is.

And I don't want to.

Going through these memories doesn't make me sad. It makes me happy. She's had such a great life so far. But this is only the beginning!

I haven't "lost" my baby...she is just nestled safely inside shell after shell of ever more beautiful, more grown-up Hillarys . Like a perfectly crafted set of Russian nesting dolls.

And I can't wait to see the next one....

Mothering Others

I had a lovely Mother's Day. But then again, my family makes me feel special every day. They don't wait for a holiday to send me a sweet text, lie next to me on the couch, or put the last Coke in the fridge for me without being asked.

And in mothering my children on a daily basis, I get many opportunities to love their friends as well. I've taken girls shopping and fixed their hair for prom. And boys come and go through my house and yard...dogs and mischief tagging along behind. It brings me joy to have so many children's handprints smudged on my heart and in my own children's memories.

Today was no exception. After church, my husband grilled yummy steaks and veggies while I sat on the porch swing and visited with my sister, her boyfriend, Hillary, Parker, and Hillary's friend, Laura who had spent the previous night with us. The sun peeked out from behind the clouds now and then, and my new favorite cd wafted down from the deck. Laura said, "I need to see your phone." I had no idea why she wanted my phone, but I handed it over. She busily typed something in, hit save, and gave the phone back to me. "Can I read it now?" I asked as she smiled sheepishly.

"Hello, dear Fonda. You are one of the coolest moms I know :) I love spending time at your house! Thank you for everything:) love!"

I exclaimed over her sweet message and gave her a hug. And just a few minutes later, the two boys who live next door came meandering through the back yard. They had a card for me. They stood looking like two various-sized versions of their daddy waiting for me to read it. Nate, (Parker's age), had written, "Thanks for all the good times I have had with you and the good times we had." And 5 year old Broc had just scrawled his name. I oohed and ahhed over their thoughtfulness and gave out a couple more hugs. Then their dad yelled from across the yard, "Hey, I think you got some mail!"

What?

I headed through the house to see what they had stuck in my mailbox.

A little squeal escaped me as I saw flowers planted neatly around my mailbox.

I headed right for their house to thank the whole family. The boys stood grinning while I talked to mom and dad. I joked that my mother would be thrilled because she's been asking me when I was going to plant flowers. I told them that God plants my garden because whatever he causes to come up is what I have! The dad gave Nate a funny look. Then they explained..."Nate said he felt like God wanted us to do this."

I could have fallen over!

This family has never been church-going. Through the years Parker has invited Nate along to various youth activities. And recently Nate went forward and prayed at one of these events. What I didn't know is that he had come home and asked his parents to start taking him to church. They don't attend our church, but go to one right down the road. So the "seed" we helped plant in his heart came back to me in beautiful blooms! And I said to him, "God used you to plant my garden!"

Now I sit here reflecting on my day, thankful that God has allowed me to mother not just my own two children, but others as well. I am able to mother others because I am being Fathered so well~!

Worth It

I sat in the car, waiting for my Prince Charming to bring my cafe mocha out of Panera Bread. I was listening to music and musing about prom the night before...how fun it had been to watch Hillary laugh and dance.

And then a little girl caught my eye.

She had jumped out of a car and gone running to meet a tall man, holding out her arms to be held and wrapping her legs and sandaled feet around his middle. He put his forehead to hers and her long hair curtained their faces for a minute.

Sweet.

But not nearly the end of this story.

A woman got slowly out of the car and started unloading overnight bags from the trunk. A toddler boy was released from his car seat and wandered around by his mom. A sullen looking teenage girl got out of the front seat, eyes and fingers glued to her phone and headed to the man's truck without even looking at him.

The man put down the little girl and stood awkwardly with his hands in his pockets while the lady transferred belongings and gave him necessary instructions. And then she hugged each child...holding on a moment too long. The kids were safely tucked into the truck and mom went back to her car.

And I was so thankful it wasn't me.

Because it could have been. It hasn't always been easy, and I haven't always been sure.

But in that moment, it was all worth it...the fights over money and the lonely basketball seasons. The marriage counseling and the marriage retreats. Mismatched needs and resisting the greener grass on the other side.

I could have been that woman wiping tears as she gets into her car alone for the weekend.

But instead, I'm the woman who goes to prom with her husband, and shares the joy of Parker high-jumping and Hillary graduating with the man who knew me when.

It is worth it.

The More the Messier...I mean, Merrier ;)

Senior Prom. Our last one of the "girly" variety. And what better way to celebrate than to get three girly girls together.

Satin and sequins.

Shoes and shimmer.

Patience and precise primping....

Three various sized curling irons and cups full of bobby pins.

Pretty girls all in a row...

Now for the earrings...

and a little perfume.

And the obligatory posing for pics...

and they're off!

And I am left with wet towels and hot curling irons, spilled make-up and the fading echoes of music and giggles.

My bathroom will never be the same.

And, thanks to my girly girl...neither will I!