I am very proud of my children. They are both quite creative and talented. And I've always tried to respect them as a person and value their independence...letting them make their own decisions (when appropriate) and letting them feel the consequences of those decisions. But sometimes their insides don't match their outsides. This becomes especially true when they begin the teen years.
When those hormones kick in and your baby blossoms into what looks like a full-grown person, it's easy to start expecting more than you should. They look like a grown-up... they can talk like a grown-up... they can certainly eat like a grown-up...and they even smell like a grown-up (stinky feet, BO, and too much cologne!). But they act, remarkably, like their age. Even though Parker is taller than I am, he still drags out his matchbox cars and tells me stories about each one and what it can do in his pretend world. And though Hillary could pass for my sister sometimes, she's still amazingly naive when it comes to certain things.
The bad part is, their own image in the mirror sometimes tricks even them, and they think they can take on more than they really can. Case in point...
Yesterday, I arrived at the school at 4:30 to pick Hillary up from track practice. She wasn't finished and I watched her run around and around the track, then do several sets of "up-downs". She finally strode toward the car, sweaty and out of breath, and said, "I've got to go in and sing my songs for Mrs. Carollo. I have to make up choir points from when I missed yesterday for the track meet." I wasn't thrilled. I had other things I needed to do, but I said ok. She hurried in the building. Fifteen minutes later she hurried back out, jumped in the car, and said, "OK, I've got to be at play practice by 5:00." It was 4:55. She hadn't had anything to eat, and wouldn't be finished with play practice until late in the evening. As we drove, I looked over at her. "What's wrong?" Then the tears came. "Mom, I haven't even had a drink of water! And I don't have time to get anything because I can't be late!"
We didn't get to this point by accident. When this play was first mentioned, her dad and I warned her that she was already pretty busy. But she just knew she could do it, and she loves acting so much, and won't this look good on a college resume? So we allowed it. Our mature minds tricked by our eyes and ears.
I didn't say I told you so. I dropped her off, went through Sonic drive-through, and brought her dinner. But I knew inside that this was partly my fault. She's not grown-up, she's 16. It's part of my job as a mother to occasionally protect my children from themselves. So she'll finish track season, and she'll sing at state choir competition, and the play will be over this weekend. And next time I am tempted to let her chuck herself over a cliff, I'll remember to just say no.
4 comments:
Oh yeah! We can keep fooling ourselves way past the age of 16. I've been there and done that to myself, and I still do it sometimes at the ripe old age of 54. And if I don't do it to myself, my husband does it for me. I've been told I should say 'No', but I haven't learned the art very well. I've also felt like I was jumping over a cliff, many times.Maybe if you were my mama, I would have learned this before I got a husband, and a large group of friends. Maybe not. Maybe it's my destiny. Huh? MOM
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I think you did the right thing by letting her do all of those things. If my mom would have told me NO, I would have been real mad at her and I would continue to think that I could have juggled it all, that my mom just didn't have enough faith in me. I was that teenager that had to fall on my face before I would believe I was in over my head, and at that point I still may not have asked for help.
Learning to multitask can be good and I've even read that if you do many things at once and are successful at it, you have a decreased chance to develop Alzheimer's in old age. Of course, you may possibly die of a stroke at 40 because you've been stressed out since you were 16. Who knows? I wasn't allowed to do too much when I was younger and I'm always hopping busy now. I'll probably die of a stroke while in the throws of Alzheimer's!
Beth
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