"Should I stay or should I go?" The Clash
As we enter Senior Year, there is pressure to decide the path of the rest of your life. And like most 17 year olds, Hillary flits back and forth between ideas. A year ago she was completely certain she would take advantage of her A+ scholarship and go to the local community college for free for the first 2 years.
And I wanted her to.
Then, later, she decided she wanted to go away. Have the whole "college" experience and live in a dorm. Eat in the food court and work on campus. Maybe join a sorority.
And I wanted her to.
Coming into high school she was all about drama and thought she would be an actress.
Then she recognized her passion for photography (and her non-passion for the all-consuming committment of theater) and decided she would be a photographer.
Until she went to Washington, D.C. and visited the Newseum.
And now she has her heart set on photo-journalism.
Which pointed her to Mizzou.
Which requires a math class she hasn't taken and can't fit into her schedule this year.
Which brings us back to the free local community college and living at home for at least a year.
And I am riding this roller coaster with patience, because life is vast and opportunities abound when you are young and smart and beautiful. And a lot can change in a year.
So I am helping her fill out applications to ALL her options...just in case.
And preparing for a half empty nest. Or not.
But no matter what happens, I do not fear losing her. I look forward to getting to know her, grown-up. Whether she stays or leaves.
"Stay or leave
I want you not to go
But you should
It was good as good goes
Stay or leave
I want you not to go
But you did
So what to do
With the rest of the day's afternoon hey
Isn't it strange how we change
Everything we did
Did I do all that i should
That I coulda done"
Dave Matthews
3 comments:
Fonda-Faonda-Fonda
Once again you have touched the depths of my soul with your words-Hillary is a BLESSED to have you for her mother and friend.
Love-Sheila
All the options. At one time, I thought you didn't have many. But you proved me wrong. And now you even explore the options for Hillary and Parker, and so many others. You make me proud. MOM
Hey Fonda,
I was just reading another entry and suddenly wondered why I look so forward to reading them but never leave a comment! Hmmmmm.
Parenting is never a "stale" endeavor. We must always change and adjust with our children while remaining steady and steadfast in our strength. I think, as many have said, we are like the bow that releases the arrow- that is our job now. Only thing is, the arrow has more and more influence over where it goes. So, maybe we make plans for the latest "plan" and then change when the wind changes. But isn't it a thrilling ride we are on? I need to be cleanig house right now - yes, again! But then I would have missed my 6'2" 15 year old piling on top of me and my pillow and blankie on the floor to ask for help with his Geometry that he is making up after being sick for 3 days. This just after school has been in session a little over a week! Have I mentioned I hate Geometry? Anyway, he approached me with a reward system he would like to try. As he fully completes each geometry assignment(no problems left undone), he earns a break for one hour of PS3,counted by the kitchen timer. Has he been coming to parenting class? Guess this is why I never respond. Can't seem to say just a few words! Love, Cheri
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