The Ride of My Life

"but I....don't like those....spinny rides"

from "I don't like" by Barenaked Ladies Snacktime cd

We've been going through old pictures lately...finding things for Hillary's senior slide show. These images of life on Kodak paper have taken me on a roller coaster ride of emotions. Some of them make me laugh hysterically...and some of them bring me to tears. A few of speak about the ride of my life.

Like this one. We were at a small tourist trap and for some reason, young and stupid as we were, we put Hillary on this spinny ride. Round 1 -

"Um..I'm not so sure about this, guys..."

Round 2 -

"Get me off of here! NOW!"

I pretty much attacked the teenaged operator and got her off that stupid spinny ride. Only to put her on a DIFFERENT kind of ride....

"OK. Not so bad...but not really FUN either."

And as we spin through this senior year I am the one on the spinny ride. Paying for the ACT...filling out the FAFSA...ordering graduation announcements...picking out senior pictures...

I want to screw up my face and scream, "Get me off here, NOW!"

But here's the thing...Hillary went on to LOVE riding roller coasters and spinny rides. By the time she was 7 she was actively trying to deceive the operator at Six Flags by putting her ponytail on the top of her head and tiptoeing so she would be tall enough to ride. (It didn't work. Apparently ride operators are smarter than they look.)

So here is what I know about spinny rides and roller coasters:

1. Holding your breath does not help.

2. Sometimes you just have to scream.

3. As scary as it may be, no ride lasts forever. They are actually fairly short-lived.

4. If you let go and enjoy the ride, it can be kind of ...fun.

5. Rides are always best shared with someone you love.

So when a new boyfriend comes...and then goes, or I have to explain dyslexia to yet another crop of teachers, I hear the click click click of the rickety ride and feel the dread swell as we climb.

And then Hillary wows the critics in her school play...and Parker clears the highest bar in track practice...and they pile onto my bed so we can watch a corny action movie (Parker doing a forward flip onto the mattress like a little kid - even though he's 14!). And I reach the top and then I'm flying. And even though I'm screaming I realize that I feel......pretty great actually.

And I squeeze my husband's hand.

And we just enjoy the ride.